


Never Did Run Smooth or Unavoidably Attractive or Whatever

by cosmicocean



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, and i didn't want to put it in the tag when it's like one line, but it's like one line, i also mention that farah is a lesbian and that she and tina are in a relationship, mona is barely in this folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 20:45:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17690567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicocean/pseuds/cosmicocean
Summary: “But you’re not unavoidably attracted to me. You are, so far, the statistical outlier.”“I, well, hold on, hold on just a second.” Todd’s gone even redder. “What about, what about Mona?”“Mona was very tired after all the shenanigans from yesterday and spent the evening as a table and I think in the morning she may have been too absorbed in being a rather fine end table to even notice I was around, really.” It happens, sometimes. Mona gets too deep into the role she’s playing and she forgets the rest of the world exists. Dirk doesn’t mind. Everyone handles things their own way. “So it doesn’t count, she was too busy being mahogany. So it’s something about you.”“There’s nothing about me.”“Don’t be stupid, there’s very much about you, but there’s something specifically about you, today, right now.” Dirk peers at him. “So we’ve got to figure it out, because now that the witch is spookied or whichever Amanda said, and we don’t have a way to figure out how to fix it, so you and I have got to figure out because it would seem temporarily you and I are the only sane ones at the moment.”I sure hope you dig that good old love spell trope type stuff, y'all.





	Never Did Run Smooth or Unavoidably Attractive or Whatever

**Author's Note:**

> Just absolutely tooth rotting fluff, lads.

It’s not, of course, Dirk’s first time running away from people. It’s not even his seventeenth, probably. He hasn’t actually kept track, which is, on the whole, surprising. 

The circumstances, however, are something new. 

It had all started when he woke up in the morning. 

Well, no, hang on, it hadn’t. The  _circumstances_ had their origins the day _before_  he woke up. What could perhaps be called the _symptoms_  of the circumstances occurred on waking, but the _inception_  of the circumstances had occurred before then. 

So. Rewind, back to _before_  the waking, to the end of the case yesterday. Neutralizing a witch is, as it turns out, a tricky business. Hard for even Farah and Amanda to handle, and considering that Dirk generally considers the pyramid of great power in the universe to go Farah and Amanda at the top and then everyone else near the bottom somewhere, that’s truly saying something. Todd had been running around after the magic panda (after rather rudely using his nice red leather jacket as some form of red cloth to try and distract the panda like a bull, which, they will be having words about that later), Mona was god knows where, probably being useful but Dirk wasn’t exactly sure, just sort of assuming, Amanda was using her wand to try and blast the witch, the witch was using her own wand to try and blast everyone else, Farah was trying to shoot at her, it was an _extremely_  chaotic moment, and all Dirk knew for sure was he got hit by _something_ , which caused him to go skidding along the ground, and then he conked his head a bit and everything went a bit fuzzy for a little bit there. 

The very next thing he remembers is Todd, kneeling over him, looking quite concerned. The light from the warehouse they’ve been fighting in has him backlit rather nicely, and he looks, as far as Dirk is concerned, extremely attractive, even with his brow all furrowed in worry and the like. Dirk contemplates telling him this, or telling him that his hair looks very nice today, but decides there’s only so much he could pawn off on being knocked on the head. 

“You used my jacket to try and antagonize a panda,” is what comes croaking out of his mouth instead. 

The worry on Todd’s face transforms into relief that quickly slips out of existence but not so quickly that Dirk doesn’t notice it and promptly transfers into a mild annoyance. “I was out of ideas.” 

“Pandas don’t even seem to have any _problem_  with red. I’m not sure what your logic was.” 

Todd rolls his eyes. “Okay, Dirk’s all right.” Todd stands and holds out his arm for Dirk to get up, which is nice because Dirk gets to hold his hand briefly, and then he lets go, so it’s considerably less nice. Upon brushing off his shirt and looking around, he observes that everything seems to be some equivalent of normal, for them. Amanda is jumping around and cheering. Farah is holding an extremely large gun with a certain amount of apprehension and wariness that makes Dirk assume that the gun is in fact Mona. The witch is gone. 

“Where did she go?” 

Todd shrugs. “I asked Amanda and she just wiggled her fingers and whispered _spooky_  and then started doing the whole jumping and yelling thing. Mona seemed to have helped.” 

“Oh, that’s nice.” Dirk raises his voice and waves at the gun. “Thank you, darling!” 

The gun promptly transforms into a ball, which bounces her way towards Dirk. Dirk holds out a hand and catches her promptly as she turns into a red pocket square. He folds her up neatly and carefully positions her in his shirt pocket. 

“I like it,” he tells her. “Very sharp." 

Farah shakes her hands out a little. She always seems to feel awkward after using any object Mona transforms into. They all do. Dirk’s not quite sure what their hangups are. 

“Yeah!” Amanda crows victoriously. “ _That’s_  how you witch, bitch!” 

“What did she hit you with?” Farah asks. 

“I don’t know.” Dirk looks down at his hands. “Do I have an extra limb anywhere?” 

“Not that I can see,” Farah says. 

“Tentacles?” 

“Tentacle free,” Amanda confirms as she approaches them. 

“What about my butt? Is there anything on my butt? Todd, look at my butt.” 

“ _What?_ ” Todd colors a little bit. “I’m not looking at your butt, Dirk.” 

“But what if she enchanted something and my butt looks all weird now?” 

“I, your butt looks _fine_ , Dirk, I mean, not _fine_ , just, like, normal, you have a very normal butt, Dirk.” 

“Smooth,” Amanda mumbles. Dirk’s not sure why, but he’s more preoccupied trying to peer over his shoulder at his butt. 

“I would argue that my butt is, in general, above average, thank you, Todd, but it appears to be the sort of above average that I’m used to.” He’s vaguely disappointed that Todd doesn’t think he has a butt that is anything other than normal, but that’s to be filed away. “Did she say anything when she did it, Amanda? You were closest?” 

Amanda shrugs. “There was a lot going on. Something about being unavoidably attractive and suffering the consequences until something something, I dunno, she was screaming a lot of shit.” 

“It’s probably neutralized, whatever it is,” Todd says. “I mean, whatever… I dunno, whatever shit Amanda did that she’s not telling us because she doesn’t actually know what she did-“ 

“ _SPOOKY,_ ” Amanda says loudly, which really to Dirk just confirms what Todd’s saying. 

“Right, spooky, whatever, it probably means whatever she did to you doesn’t matter.” 

“I don’t see what could be so bad about being unavoidably attractive, anyway.” Dirk gives what he considers to be a distinctly smug smile, straightening his shirt (being careful not to disturb Mona too much). “Considering I’m that already.” 

“You’re unavoidably _something_ ,” Todd mutters. 

“Unavoidably inescapable,” Amanda says cheerfully. 

“Ooh, I like that! Todd, Farah, let’s put that on our business cards, we can get a whole lot printed-“ 

“Dirk,” Farah says flatly. “We have this conversation once a week. You can’t just randomly change the business cards whenever you hear something you think is neat. Otherwise we’d have about fifty different business cards with fifty different wine mom slogans on them.” 

“ _I like them._ ” 

“Farah’s right,” Todd agrees. “We can’t change the business cards every time you see a new mug at Target.” 

“Bold words from the man who bought Dirk the latest one he liked,” Amanda observes dryly. 

Todd goes even redder. “ _It said ‘awkward is my specialty’ and I thought it was relatable to both of us and useful for the office._ ” 

“Yeah.” Amanda checks her phone. “Not like you could’ve predicted Dirk would absolutely absorb it into his personal collection or anything.” 

Dirk frowns. “Why? Would you like it?” 

“No, I’m good.” 

 

So there is the origin of the circumstances. 

The _actual_  event of the circumstances involves the fact that Todd, for once in a blue moon is wrong, absolutely nothing has been neutralized, and Dirk’s life is a living nightmare. 

It started when his elderly neighbor Mrs. Thrush complimented the tightness of his jeans. It hadn’t struck him as _overly_  odd- Mrs. Thrush is something of, as Todd’s put it, “an old horndog” (he’s had his own encounters with her, living on the floor above Dirk), and his jeans _are_ rather tight today. He’s having lunch with Todd later and, well, he would like to correct some assumptions made earlier about the nature of his butt. He probably won’t. Todd is, he thinks, something of a lost cause, as best he can tell, but it’s a cause he can’t give up on. He wonders if that’s what love is, but it’s a little heavy for the morning, probably. 

Anyway, seven people give him their numbers on the way to his coffee shop. It’s a new record, up from “zero”. He feels like people who aren’t even giving him their number are looking at him as he walks by. He doesn’t know what to do with the numbers. Should he put them in his wallet? He doesn’t want to be rude. 

Then he goes to his standard coffeeshop and the barista is flirty. Well, flirtier than normal. His name is Rick, and he lives on Todd’s floor, and he’s always very nice. Dirk’s not particularly interested (it all circles back to the Todd thing, obviously), but he _does_  have very nice eyes, and rather large arms. He writes his number on Dirk’s coffee order with a little heart. It is, admittedly, a cute little heart, but not one he really knows what to do with. Then four other people give him his number. Then someone offers to buy him a drink. 

It’s at that point he remembers what the witch supposedly said, and panics. 

 

“Jesus _Christ_ , Dirk, I have a fucking _door._ ” 

It’s not Dirk’s best idea, probably, but he’s out of ideas, at this point. Having Todd be all fluttery and attracted to him when he is, blatantly, _not_  attracted to him during a regular day, is going to be rather painful, ultimately awkward, and in the end as suppressed as can be possibly managed. But his default setting when he’s in trouble is “go to Todd, Todd will know what to do” or even just “Todd will make the situation feel better”, and this feels, to a certain extent, to be a definite level of trouble. 

“I know you have a door,” Dirk says, already halfway through Todd’s window. “But I thought the door might draw attention.” 

“And you think scaling a fire escape and using a window _doesn’t?_ ” 

Dirk tumbles through the window, sprawling flat on his back. “They would be _expecting_  the door. Who would expect the window?” 

“God only knows.” 

Dirk blinks up at Todd, who is standing over him in his boxers and a tattered Nirvana tee shirt. His hair is disheveled. He probably just woke up. God, he’s adorable, even when he’s giving Dirk that scrunchy irritable face. 

Hang on. 

He’s giving him the scrunchy irritable face. 

Dirk immediately sits up. “You’re annoyed with me.” 

“You just flopped through my window at nine am. We don’t have a class today. I don’t even have to put on _pants_  until we go to lun-“ Todd’s cheeks go a little pink. “ _I’m not even wearing pants._ You’re in my apartment and I’m not wearing _pants._  There’s no good reason for me to _not_  be annoyed with you.” 

“Yes, there is. Why are you annoyed with me?” 

“ _Literally_ , Dirk, I just-“ 

“No, no, listen.” Dirk stands up. “I am unavoidably attractive.” 

Todd stares at him. “…cool.” 

“That’s all you have to say?” 

“I honestly don’t know what you expect me to say to that.” 

“I’m unavoidably attractive.” 

“Yeah, you mentioned that.” 

“ _No_ , like, like the witch said.” 

“Oh. _Oh_.” Todd’s eyes widen. "You’ve been cursed.” 

Dirk points triumphantly. “ _Yes!_ ” Todd’s so good with words. He’s very clever. “Yes, cursed.” 

“So what, uh.” Todd rubs his eyes. “Okay. You’ve been cursed. What does the curse… entail, evidently?” 

Dirk pulls out his wallet and shakes out all the numbers, tossing his empty coffee cup onto the pile. 

“So it involves you… throwing trash on my floor?” 

“Those are _numbers_ ,” Dirk insists. “Of _people._ Who want me to _call_  them. For, I dunno. Relationships or sex or what, I don’t know exactly what _unavoidably attractive_ entails, but they were certainly keen on giving them to me. There’s _fourteen_   _there,_  Todd. I’ve never had fourteen people attracted to me in my _life.”_ Well, all at the same time, anyway. It’s been a while since Dirk’s engaged in any particular one night stands though, since, well, right around the time he met Todd, he supposes. Lord, he’s hopeless. He looks down at the numbers forlornly. “Maybe I should try one of them. Make my life easier. Getting over it or something.” 

“What are you getting over?” Fortunately, Dirk gets to avoid that question that slipped from his lips before he could avoid it because Todd’s gaze zeroes in on the coffee cup, eyes narrowing. “Hang on, is that from Rick?” 

“What? Oh, yes.” 

Todd picks it up and squints at it. “I _knew_  that bastard was into you,” he mutters. 

“Well, technically, everyone’s into me right now, Todd. But yes, I would agree that this probably prodded him into being a little more forward than normal.” Dirk considers. “Also, I wouldn’t call him a _bastard,_  Todd, he’s friendly enough.” 

“Hmph.” Todd chucks the cup on the floor disdainfully. “Okay, so, love spell. Why did you come to _me?_  And not, like, Farah, or Amanda?” 

“Well, for one thing, I think Amanda being into me would be deeply disturbing for the pair of us, eventually, and I don’t want to deal with it.” 

“Fair enough, I guess.” 

“And for another.” Dirk puts on his prim and haughty tone. He feels like it adds weight to his words. Usually, like now, it makes Todd roll his eyes, but he’s still very firm on the weightiness. “Farah is as gay as the day is long, and I don’t want to test whether _unavoidably attractive_  applies to lesbians, and I think it would be an uncomfortable and unpleasant experience for the both of us, and I wished to avoid it, especially considering her situation with Tina and whatnot.” 

“Oh. Well. Yeah. That’s considerate.” 

“Besides.” Dirk shrugs. “I _always_  go to you, you’re my touchstone. Who _else_  was I going to go to?” 

Todd blushes. “Um. Okay. Well, that’s. That’s nice. Thank you.” 

“Yes, well.” Dirk scratches the back of his head before he remembers. “But _you’re_  not unavoidably attracted to me. You are, so far, the statistical outlier.” 

“I, well, hold on, hold on just a second.” Todd’s gone even redder. “What about, what about Mona?” 

“Mona was very tired after all the shenanigans from yesterday and spent the evening as a table and I think in the morning she may have been too absorbed in being a rather fine end table to even notice I was around, really.” It happens, sometimes. Mona gets too deep into the role she’s playing and she forgets the rest of the world exists. Dirk doesn’t mind. Everyone handles things their own way. “So it doesn’t count, she was too busy being mahogany. So it’s something about you.” 

“There’s nothing about me.” 

“Don’t be stupid, there’s very much about you, but there’s something _specifically_  about you, today, right now.” Dirk peers at him. “So we’ve got to figure it out, because now that the witch is spookied or whichever Amanda said, and we don’t have a way to figure out how to fix it, so you and I have got to figure out because it would seem temporarily you and I are the only sane ones at the moment.” 

“Or before it occurs to Rick you spend a lot of time here and he comes knocking on my door,” Todd mumbles. 

“I don’t know what your hangup about Rick in particular is, but yes, I suppose there is a possibility of that.” 

“All right, so, people find you, I dunno, irresistible, or whatever. So like…” Todd scratches the back of his head. “Fuck, man, can’t we even _call_  Amanda or something, just to ask her advice?” 

“No! I don’t know how this thing works! What if just mentioning my _name_  makes her attracted to me, and then she  _comes_ here? Do you  _really_ want to see your sister fawning all over me, Todd?” 

“No,” he answers quickly. “Nope, no, no, nope, I definitely do not have any interest in that whatsoever.” 

“So, we’ll have to figure it out. We can do it. We’re smart.” 

“No, we’re not.” 

“Well, we’re half smart, sort of, and a little clever, and between the two of us, we should be able to figure something out.” Dirk taps his chin thoughtfully. “I think it must come back to you, somehow.” 

Todd shakes his head immediately. “No, it doesn’t.” 

“Well, why not?” 

“Because it doesn’t.” 

“ _Why?_ ” 

“Because I _say_  so.” 

“That’s not how _magic_  works, Todd, I don’t think fourteen people woke up this morning and decided to give numbers to someone they didn’t even know.” 

“ _Thirteen_  people decided to give numbers to someone they didn’t even know, _one_  of them already knew you.” 

“Why are you so resistant to this line of questioning?” 

“ _I’m not resistant to anything._ ” 

Dirk squints at Todd. It’s definitely something about Todd. He’s sure of it. There is a Todd related answer to the conundrum. 

“Quit doing that.” 

“Doing what?” 

“That face.” 

“What face?” 

Todd scowls. “ _That_  face, you know I don’t like the face.” 

“What? That I have a face?” 

“ _No_ , dipshit, the face you make where you think I’m a puzzle.” 

“But you _are_  a puzzle, at the moment anyway. Because you know, I think…” Dirk says it slowly, because if he says it slowly, he’ll be more sure of it. “I _think_  you know something.” 

Todd’s face transforms into panic (which confirms it) which transforms into irritation (which _doubly_  confirms, Todd’s default setting when worried or anxious is anger or annoyance). “Why do you think I would know anything? Didn’t you tell me last week I don’t know anything?” 

“I said you didn’t know anything about _masonry_ , Todd.” 

“Well, neither do you.” 

Dirk points. “Changing the subject. You’re changing the subject. You _do_  know something.” 

“Maybe I’m being tangential! You get to be tangential, why can’t _I_ be tangential?” 

“Because this isn’t your _normal_  sort of tangential, you’re not talking about something silly like the Black Keys or something.” 

“The Black Keys are _not-_ “ 

Dirk takes a step forwards. Todd takes an immediate step back. 

“Why are you doing that?” 

“I’m not doing anything.” 

“Yes, you are. You just took a step back.” 

“I’ve been standing for a while. Maybe I just felt like moving.” 

“Nonsense, it’s the morning, you _never_  feel like moving.” 

“Well, maybe I don’t want you in my personal space.” 

“That’s nonsense, too, because you don’t care anymore.” Todd opens his mouth and closes it, and Dirk feels vaguely triumphant. It’s true. Personal space isn’t something that seems to bother Todd anymore when it comes to Dirk. In fact, he almost seems to welcome Dirk being in his bubble. There’s something to that. It factors in. Something factors in. 

“You _do_  know something about this. Do you know why you’re not affected by this?” Dirk frowns. “Is it _that_  improbable that you would be interested in me, that even the  _universe_ is intervening in the face of _magic?_ ” 

“ _That’s_ your takeaway from this?” Todd looks almost distressed. Why does he look distressed? Dirk’s not a fan of that, in general. 

Todd’s right, it’s a silly thing to bother him at the moment, but really, it does, because, well, it’s the _one_  person in the world he’d like very much to be attracted to him and not even with a _spell_  involved can it happen. “Well-" 

There’s a knock on the door. 

Dirk yelps. Todd makes a noise that he would probably deny being a yelp, but is definitely a yelp. The knock happens again. Todd flattens himself against the wall. Dirk flattens himself next to him. He’s not sure why. It’s not like he can even be seen through the door. It just seems like the thing to do.  

“Todd?” A familiar voice calls through the door. “Hey, uh, you in there?” 

“ _Rick_ ,” Todd mutters, venom in each letter. 

“I was just wondering if you’d seen Dirk, if he’s around?” 

“Fucking Rick.” 

“I don’t see why you’re so against Rick,” Dirk hisses. “He seems nice enough, when he’s not been, I dunno, magic whammied.” 

“He’s just, he’s just _annoying_ , okay,” Todd whispers. “He’s all model handsome and shit, and he gives you this smile, and you always give him this smile back, and he’s just a _pain in the ass_ , okay, he just is.” 

Dirk stares at Todd, who’s staring at the door trepidatiously, and therefore does not notice Dirk’s personal staring.  

Todd, Dirk thinks, seems to enjoy him in his personal space. 

Todd bought him that rather nice mug.  

Todd seemed self-conscious about Dirk seeing him in his underpants, _and_ about checking to make sure nothing odd had been done to his arse with the spell. 

Todd seems to have an idea of why he is unaffected by the spell in general, and very badly does not want to share it with Dirk. 

Todd does not like Rick, who smiles at him, and who is attracted to him, and who is, on the whole, rather attractive himself. 

Todd wanted to build an agency with him, follows him into each and every new exciting thing no matter how dangerous, enjoys spending time with him outside of when Dirk could call himself (in the barest sense of the word) useful. 

Todd brought him a shirt. 

It’s sort of like when things click into place with the universe, except better. 

“Oh,” Dirk whispers. “ _Oh._ ” 

“What?” 

“Solved it.” 

“Good.” Todd’s still not looking at him, glaring at the door. “Fix it so this isn’t happening anymore.” 

“What? Oh, no, I didn’t solve the spell thing.” It seems extremely unimportant now, on the whole. “I solved _you._ ” 

Todd groans. “Dirk, I’m not the priority right now, so can you just-“ 

“You’re always the priority.” Dirk unflattens himself from the door and wheels around on his ankle so he’s directly facing Todd, who’s still flattened against the wall. Todd looks at him warily. 

“You’re giving me the face again.” 

“No, I’m not.” 

“What do you mean, you’re not?” 

“The face you were referring to is when I’m looking at you like you’re a puzzle.” His voice is still low. There seems to be knocking still going on. Dirk can’t particularly be arsed to pay attention. “I’m not. Because I solved you.” 

“I don’t know what that _means._ ” 

“I think you do.” 

Something changes in Todd’s eyes. Something other than the annoyance, the agitation. It’s something _beyond_  those things now, something nervous and vulnerable, neither of which are things he particularly likes. 

“What do you think you know, then?” It’s a very Todd response, Dirk thinks. Very much a challenge, perhaps in the hopes that Dirk will get off his back, perhaps to stave off any hope at all, because if there is anything Todd fears, he knows, it is being disappointed, and this would be a very great disappointment. Dirk understands. He’s got some of that fear resting in his stomach, himself. 

“I know you.” Dirk takes a small step forwards. Todd presses himself back against the wall a little further. Dirk rests his arm on the wall, staring very keenly into Todd’s face. Todd seems like he’d very much like to look away, but doesn’t. That challenge, again. Todd presented it himself. He can’t back down. 

“Todd,” he says. “Are you unaffected by the spell because you’re _already_  unavoidably attracted to me?” 

If Dirk had thought Todd capable of blushing before, he was wrong. Todd’s entire face flames up, and his eyes flick away, and it’s all Dirk needs, it’s the best confirmation he could get. 

“Maybe I’m unaffected because I’m just some weird statistical outlier or whatever, like you said before,” he says, still not looking directly at Dirk. 

“You’re wrong.” Dirk edges closer. Todd goes an even deeper red even while avoiding eye contact. Dirk wonders if he likes being crowded up against a wall. It may be interesting information for the future. “You’re very kind, and extraordinarily sweet, and really unfairly handsome, and rather unavoidably attractive yourself, but you’re also very, very wrong.” 

Todd does look at Dirk then, eyes widening. There’s something in his expression now that wasn’t there before, startled and hopeful, something almost like optimism blooming in his face, and Dirk can’t take it anymore, can’t take Todd looking at him like he’s the whole universe, like he’s unlocked a whole new world, without doing something about it. 

Todd’s lips are a little chapped. Dirk’s not surprised. He’s been poking at him to use chapstick for ages now (“self _care_ , Todd, it’s _important_ ”), so it makes sense. He doesn’t move, at first, and Dirk doesn’t push, just keeping his lips there gently, just in case, ready and willing for Todd to push him away any moment now, just in case he’s read this all horribly wrong. 

Todd’s hands come up to grip first his shirt, then to slide one around to the back of his neck. His lips move against Dirk’s first hesitantly, then insistently, hand still clinging to his shirt pulling him even tighter against him. Dirk braces his arm further against the wall so he can let Todd pull him in as close as he likes, sliding a hand into his hair. Todd shivers a little bit, and Dirk wonders how long he’s wanted this. If he’s wanted it as long as Dirk has. It’s perfect. It’s a rare, completely perfect moment, and for once, the universe doesn’t even interrupt, just lets him have this, and Dirk’s never been so grateful in his _life._

When Todd pulls away, he rests his forehead against Dirk’s, keeping his hands firmly where they are, like Dirk would _dream_  of going anywhere right now. Dirk just rests there, eyes still closed, breathing this moment in, that Todd is warm up against him, that his hand is still pressed up against his bare skin, that he knows the little sigh Todd makes if Dirk tilts his head just so, that he has, for right now, maybe even forever, everything he’s ever wanted. 

Eventually, Todd mumbles “the knocking’s stopped”. 

Dirk opens his eyes. Todd’s looking up at him with something that looks almost amazed, and he gets a little distracted for a minute, just watching how the tips of his ears have gone red, how he has really very nice eyelashes from this close up. “Hm?” 

“I said, the knocking’s stopped.” 

“Oh. Yes. So it has. One of us should investigate.” 

“Yeah.” 

They don’t move for a few seconds. 

“I’ll check the peephole.” 

“Sound idea.” 

Dirk reluctantly pulls himself away from Todd, watching as he peers through the little hole in the door. 

“Rick’s gone.” 

“Is he?” 

“Yep.” 

“Hm. I wonder…” Dirk heads for the still open window and sticks his head out it. “Excuse me!” he hollers to an old man walking his dog on the sidewalk. “Do you happen to find me unavoidably attractive?” 

“Fuck off!” 

“Fantastic! Thank you!” Dirk reemerges from the window. “It’s done with.” 

Todd gives him a skeptical look. “So what, a kiss from…” he goes a little pinker, rubbing the back of his head. It’s very endearing, but Dirk almost wishes he hadn’t, because he’d rather liked how his hair had looked, after all that. “From _whatever_  makes it go away? That’s pretty stupid, Dirk.” 

Dirk snorts. “Our lives are filled with an _overabundance_  of stupidity, Todd, I don’t know why you think now would be any different.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess that’s true.” Todd does the awkward hair thing again. “So, um. Was that, like. Was that like a one-off kinda deal, or was it-“ 

“No,” Dirk answers quickly. “No, nope, certainly not, if that’s all right with you, please.” 

“Okay.” Todd pauses. "You know, we don’t even have to go out to lunch today, if you like, we can just stay in, like, I have mac & cheese-“ 

“Yep. Works for me.” 

“And, you know, if you wanted to do that _again_ , I mean, I wasn’t planning on doing anything until we were gonna do lunch anyway, so-“ 

“Yep,” Dirk says again, already moving, hands finding Todd’s hips just as quickly as Todd’s scramble to clench in his shirt again. “Yep, yes, definite yes."

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been having some pretty significant bouts of insomnia and this occurred to me last night when I couldn't sleep and then I remembered it this evening and decided to get it on out there. I know it's not like, exceptionally deep or long like some of my fics tend to run, but idk, I dug it.
> 
> A couple notes:
> 
> -the magic panda is 100% a Good Place reference
> 
> -Todd hates Rick so much, you guys. He's very much of the Jake Peralta "I can't tell a guy not to ask this person out just cause I don't have the guts to ask them out myself" mindset, but Todd eats breathes and sleeps Rick angst some days. Poor Rick. He doesn't deserve it. He's just a nice dude with nice arms who likes Dirk. It's almost two am. I'm gonna stop talking about Rick now.
> 
> -actually I'm not done talking about Rick when Todd gets the chance when Dirk isn't looking he absolutely yeets that coffee cup with his number out the window and hopes the universe'll give him an out for littering on this one
> 
> \- [this is the mug](https://www.target.com/p/14oz-porcelain-awkward-is-my-specialty-mug-white-red-opalhouse-153/-/A-53689222)
> 
> thanks for reading, y'all, and I'm over @cosmicoceanfic on tumblr if you wanna say hi


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